Setting boundaries and celebrating saying “no” in academia
Setting and maintaining boundaries can be very challenging, especially for those in academia or higher education. Sometimes we know an opportunity isn’t for us - we may feel dread at the thought of doing it or a feeling of weight on our shoulders. How often have you ignored the pit in your stomach and begrudgingly said “yes” to writing a book chapter, organizing a conference symposium, or serving on a board or committee?
Other times we might “should” ourselves, reasoning that we should take on this opportunity, despite not feeling enthusiastic about it, because it’ll be good for our career or will avoid disappointing other people. When we consider saying “no” to new opportunities, we may worry how this might impact our CV or our promotion and tenure documents. Regardless of whether it’s an opportunity we’re excited about, we may fear that we’ll be filled with regret for not taking it on.
How can we reframe saying “no” as something positive? Recently, I was working with a coaching client around the topic of setting boundaries and saying “no” to things. Instead of viewing saying “no” to something as a failure or missed opportunity, we played with the idea of reframing those “no’s” to be something more positive.
How can we view the papers not written, grants not won, presentations not given, as triumphant losses to be celebrated? Maybe it’s having a visual reminder of work that’s been avoided, like putting a list of projects that you’ve said “no” to in a highly visible place, serving as both a reminder and an opportunity for reflection during the work day. Or perhaps it’s having a “no committee” - a group of colleagues who can be a sounding board for when new opportunities arise, and can help you celebrate when you do decide to say “no.”
“Saying 'no' to the good allows you to say 'yes' to the great.”
Another way to reframe how we think about saying “no” is that it creates space to take on better, more exciting opportunities somewhere down the line. Having a plate that’s already too full might prevent you from being able to say “yes” to new opportunities in the future. By saying “no” even to good opportunities, you can make space in your life to say '“yes” to great ones that haven’t presented themselves yet.
The next time you’re presented with a new opportunity, consider what it means to say “yes” to it. What will you have to give up in order to take this on? If you say “yes,” what will you need to say “no” to, either now or in the future? It may feel awkward in the moment, especially if saying “no” defies someone else’s needs or expectations, but your future self may thank you for it.
